Divorce Letter- Hysterical
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've
been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell
me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last
week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers.
You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of
your soaps You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want
anything that connects us as husband and wife. Either you're cheating
on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.
P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are moving away to West Virginia
together! Have a great life!
Dear Ex-Husband -
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a
good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so
much because they drown out your constant whining and griping. Too
bad that doesn't work.
I DID notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a girl!". Since my
mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I
didn't comment. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have
gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven
About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because
the $49.99 price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my sister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning. After
all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So
when I hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought
us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason, I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.
Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister
Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.